Took mom to D'Angelo's for lunch. She smelled terribly, had to drive with windows down so I wouldn't gag. I'm not sure if the odor came from her not bathing or not changing her Depends.
She told me that she had received a typed letter from someone saying that they felt that she was being abused by her family. I asked her to find the letter so that we could investigate who may have sent it.
I told her that people were concerned about the way she was living. They probably felt that she should be under the care of family or in assisted living. She became quite agitated and said that people should mind their own business, that she could take care of herself.
Basically she doesn't want anyone else telling her what to do. She believes living with other family members or in a facility like Grand Village or anything similar takes away her her freedom and independence to control her own life.
Unfortunately she is not as competent as she believes she is. Mom is very dependent on other people driving her places, does not maintain daily hygiene, can barely walk without assistance, and cannot clean up after herself in the most basic ways. She hoards rotting food in her refrigerator, countertops, and floors.
She has many of the same hoarding habits that can be seen on the TV show.
Several years ago we did get her to hire a married couple to come to her house supposedly to clean and take her shopping twice a week. She pays them $50/hr. to shred paper and drive her around. They will do anything she asks them to do, but she won't allow them to clean. Cleaning to my mother is the same as throwing away valuables. It makes no difference whether it is a rotting head of cauliflower or a new pair of shoes.
Phil and Nancy seem to be quite loyal to her, but she does pay them over $1,200 a month for six to eight hours a week of shredding paper and shopping. I have to give credit to Phil, he has done a little bit of painting, carpet cleaning, and repaired some floor tile in the hallway.
I've asked local and county authorities, the Senior Center, doctors, attorneys, and her friends for assistance, but basically until she loses the capacity to walk, dress, and feed herself she has the right to continue living alone. That is her decision and there is nothing I can do. Heaven knows I have tried.
I don't think people realize how much they reinforce my mother's bad decision making.
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