Christmas Eve

Had Aaron, Alex, grandkids, and my mother over for our traditional Christmas Eve dinner. My mother “forgot” that we exchange Christmas gifts, which we've done every year of my entire life. 

She managed to use the bathroom once during the evening, but smelled very bad by the time Dale and Aaron took her home. Aaron helped her to the door, but was overwhelmed by the odor emanating from the interior of her home. The smell of urine and rotting food is unbelievable. 

She still has that cleaning crew coming twice a week. They keep telling us that she won't let them do anything other than shred paper and drive her around shopping.

Current Condition of My Mother

Fri., Nov. 28 - took my mother to her favorite restaurant for lunch. She could barely walk unassisted. We suggested that a doctor visit should be scheduled, but she refused.

Sun., Nov. 30 - Picked mom up for church. Her foot was bothering her even more. She said that she had gone to a podiatrist in town and that nothing was broken or sprained. She could't remember who took her to the doctor's office or his name or location. I have to believe that she just wanted me to leave her alone regarding her foot. Her body odor was rather pungent. I am concerned that she is not cleaning herself properly or not bothering to change her slip-on diapers.

Mon., Dec. 1 - Visited mom to help her locate her garage door opener. It was just where I told her it should be over the phone. Saw a food container on the floor in the hallway leading to the garage. She has told me that she sometimes leaves food there instead of refrigerating it, when her fridge is too full of leftovers. I'm concerned that she is eating perishable food that has been left on the floor several days after it was prepared, since she frequently loses track of time. She often has diarrhea and I suspect that comes from eating spoiled food. Her home smelled terrible and so did she. I'm sure that she either had a bowel movement in her diaper or failed to wipe herself thoroughly.

Wed., Dec. 3 - Laura, director of Twinsburg Senior Center, called to let me know that she and other staff people were noticing that my mother was having hygiene problems, difficulty walking, and acute memory loss. She wanted to let me know that she was going to call Summit County Services for the Aged again. I encouraged her to do so, because my mother refuses any help from me. I am so frustrated and powerless to do anything. Until she is declared incompetent, I do not have power of attorney to do anything that requires legal action.

I told Laura that my husband and I were looking to move to a Senior Community in Florida as soon as possible. I had hoped to have my mother in Grande Village by now, but she refuses to even consider it. Now that we are in our 70's I want to be sure that we are making better choices than my mother has done over the last ten years. She needs to be in an assisted living facility with people who know how to care for her. She has the resources to pay for quality care. It's unfortunate that she doesn't see that or that her "friends" continue enabling her to oppose my assistance.

Long term health insurance

Just got another delinquent notice regarding my mom's long-term health insurance. She failed to make her payment in October. The letter mention that she has 65 days to to send in payment or risks losing coverage.

I just spoke with her today before I our mail delivery, so I haven't mentioned that I know she's late in her payment. I don't think that she realizes what this bill is anymore. She probably thinks that it is a life insurance policy. I may need to stand over her and watch her sign the check and then mail the check in myself. That will be the only way we will be sure that she makes this payment.

We just returned from a vacation and this is the first thing I have been hit with regarding mom's condition. She did mention that she is looking into purchasing a hearing aid. One of her friends must have said that she needs a hearing aid. While we were gone she went to one doctor and received at an estimate of about $7,000. She did mention that she's going to go for another estimate. I know that she has some hearing loss but it's not extreme, so I really don't know what to say at this time. Her problem, in my opinion, is that she doesn't pay attention to what people are saying. She is so busy thinking what she is going to say next.

Lately she has been running here and there for various kinds of medical test that her friends are recommending that she takes. This is in addition to the regular tests and doctors appointments that I already drive her to. These lifeline tests are usually offered for seniors who do not have regular doctors. I think they're very useful for that purpose but mom has a whole battery of doctors that she sees on a regular basis.

Response to TV Ads

Mom called me last night to remind me that she had an appointment the next day with life line screening and Medicare. Someone had just called her to remind her. She had no idea when she had made these appointments or where to go. This was the first I had heard of these appointments.

I called their phone number and they told me that my mother had scheduled these appointments on her own, but they were not until Thursday not Tuesday as she told me.  Since my mother had just been to her cardiologist and urologist last month and goes to the Coumadin clinic every week for a blood test, I canceled her appointments and told her that these tests were for people who do not have regular doctor appointments as she does.

These Life Line screenings are very useful and priced so that people with low incomes and no regular health care providers can afford them. My mother has very good healthcare insurance coverage and is currently receiving excellent and frequent care. Unfortunately she doesn't remember that she has had all these screenings already this year. 

I've asked her not to schedule appointments or buy any services or products before checking with me, but she gets caught up in the moment and goes along with any and every persuasive TV or telemarketers. She sees my involvement only as interference with her personal freedoms, which would be true if she could remember anything that she does.

Halluciations

It's 10:10 in the evening and my mother just called me in a panic. She thought she had been left alone at the church and none of the phones were working. She was talking to me on a phone - not sure whether she understood that she couldn't have called me if the phone wasn't working.

She no longer drives, nor does she have a car, so I asked her what was she was doing at the church this time of night and who left her there. I was pretty sure that she was at home and had been hallucinating again. This doesn't happen every week, but she become disoriented frequently and calls me or one of her friends with strange requests or comments. 

She begged me to come get her, so I played along and asked exactly where in the church she was. She left the phone to check and I could hear her pitter pattering around her condo. She got on and off the phone about three times before coming to her senses and realizing that she really was at home. She said good night and that she would call me tomorrow.

Well at least she didn't call one of her friends and upset them this time of night.

Telephone Problems

This week my mother called me from the Senior Center to let me know that her home phone is no longer working. I've reset her phone twice since we purchased it in the spring. Basically, all she needs to do is unplug the phone from the wall and from the Time-Warner modem to "reboot" it.

She probably would do a lot better to go back to the local telephone company's landline instead of receiving her phone service through Time-Warner Cable. There is may be some kind of compatibility problem between the Cable company's modem and the new digital phone. One of her neighbors told her that she would save a lot of money if she went through the TV cable company for her phone service instead of the local telephone company, but she has had nothing but problems.

When she had her old analog telephone that she had been renting for fifteen years, she could not connect with Windstream customers. Only people with cell phones or calling from out of town could reach her.

I took her to Target, where she selected and purchased her current phone. Every time it stops working she blames me. She doesn't understand that she needs to return the phone to its cradle to recharge it.

For the past couple of days no one has been able to reach her by phone. All we get is a busy signal. Not sure if the phone needs to be reset or what. She won't let anyone in the house lately. Last time I was there her kitchen was full of vegetables and fruit in various stages of decay. I dared to mention that she needed to dispose of the rotten food and refrigerate the rest, but that only angered her. I've not been allowed into her house since then.

I'm going to try to get her to switch back to her old phone company instead of Cable. She may need to purchase another phone, but I am going to have the telephone company work with her instead of handling it myself. They may have some devices that will help her that I do not know about.

Karen who?

My mother called me yesterday to let me know that she received a piece of mail for me in her mailbox. It was really for her next door neighbor, she had forgotten my last name.

Another Fall

One of my neighbors stopped by this morning to let me know that my mother has fallen again at the senior center yesterday. This time no one or nothing was around her to make her fall, she just lost her balance and slipped. 

She asked the staff not to contact me and they complied, but my neighbor thought I should be made aware in case of future complications. She also mentioned it because I may notice some facial bruising.

Coumadin clinic

Got a call from the Coumadin clinic that my mother had missed her weekly appointment. They have had some problem stabalizing her dosage after her surgery. Most of the problem comes from the fact that she fails to take her medication as regularly as she should, even though I have the pills measured out in a weekly dosage dispenser. 

Nancy and Phil, her home care assistants, usually drive her to the local clinic, but will only do what she asks them to do. If she doesn't immediately return home to add her appointment to her wall calendar, then she never will and that appointment will be forgotten. Last week I was out of town, so no one reminded her to follow through.

Post-op Doctor Visit

On Monday, July 28th, I took my mom to her follow up visit after surgery on July 3rd. She couldn't remember her doctor's name, where his office was located, or why she even had the appointment.

Dustbusters

Spoke with Summit County Adult Protective Services yesterday regarding my mother and my concerns about her diminished capacity to take care of herself and the possible exploitation by her house cleaners. She pays Nancy and Phil $321 a week for six hours of work, but I see no significant improvement in the condition of her house over the two years they have worked for her. Nancy primarily drives my mother around shopping and Phil shreds paper and does some yard work and occasional home repairs.

When my mother was in the hospital and rehab center, I was able to get them to actually help us clean my mother's condo. They insist that my mother does not allow them to do anything of significance and, knowing my mother, that is a very real possibility. Yet I can't help but think that if they had her best interests in mind, they would work with me in getting her the help she needs.

     2013 condition of kitchen after one year of paying DustBusters $321/weekly to clean.

    Condition of kitchen after I supervised Dustbusters, before my mother returned home from rehab.

I do not have a picture of the current condition of my mother's kitchen, but over the past five months It is gradually returning to its former condition. All but one kitchen chair and tabletop are filled with mail, newspapers, magazines, and bottles of medication.The floor surrounding the kitchen table is covered with boxes of overflowing mail and other paper and food. Her countertops are filled with food in various stages of decay. I will try to get an updated photo if she allows me into her home.

My biggest concern - she is unable to properly control her medication and medical records in all this accumulation of junk mail and garbage. She cannot distinguish between junk mail, advertisements, solicitations, and mail that she really needs to address. She is completely incompetent in handling her mail, personal finances, meal preparation and clean-up.

Totally Stressed Out

What do you do when everyone is telling you something different? I realize that I need to file for guardianship of my 90 year old mother before more harm comes to her. She can no longer handle her home, personal hygiene, finances, etc., etc., etc.

Director of our local Senior Center gave me a flyer put out by www.CarePatrol.com entitled "20 Signs Your Loved One May Need More Help:

• Spoiled food doesn't get thrown away (just open front door - you get the idea)
• Missing important appointments (has to be written on calendar or won't remember)
• Unexplained bruising (frequent falls that she denies vociferously)
• Trouble getting up from a seated position (needs help)
• Difficulty with walking, balance and mobility (won't use a cane, but holds on to nearest person)
• Uncertainty and confusion when performing once-familiar tasks (almost everything)
• Forgetfulness (doesn't even bother trying to remember anymore)
• Unpleasant body odor (tries covering odor with perfume)
• Infrequent showing and bathing (don't think she does, washes off in front of sink only)
• Strong smell of urine in the house (especially on soiled clothing)
• Noticeable decline in grooming habits and personal care (incontinent, needs to be reminded to purchase Depends but only wants to use mini-pads)
• Dirty house, extreme clutter and dirty laundry piling up (yes, yes, and yes)
• Stacks of unopened mail or an overflowing mailbox (piles of opened and unopened mail, can't distinguish the difference between junk mail and letters and bills)
• Late payment notices, bounced checks and calls from bill collectors (forgets to deposit checks from investments, pay taxes and insurance, and is very susceptible to scams and mail solicitations)
• Poor diet or weight loss (eating spoiled food)
• Loss of interest in hobbies and activities (daily mail is her only hobby)
• Changes in mood or extreme mood swings (yes)
• Forgetting to take medications - or taking more than the prescribed dosage (follows what is printed on the label, even if doctor tells her otherwise verbally or in writing)
• Diagnosis of dementia or early onset Alzheimer's (diagnosis of dementia in February)
• Unexplained dents and scratches on car (lost license after hitting a motorcycle)

The list was helpful in making me realize that I'm not losing my mind, that my mother really does have problems. 

Memory loss

My mother was told at her pre-op appointment on Wednesday to stop taking Coumadin on Saturday, to cancel her Coumadin clinic appointment on Monday, and that UH would call her on Wednesday to tell her when to arrive for her scheduled surgery on Thursday. I asked her this morning whether she had followed their instructions and she had already forgotten everything. 

She insists on living alone and resents any family "interference" or help. I've dared to suggest that we look into assisted care facilities upon doctor recommendation, to hire in home nursing care, get her to wear a medical alert, even to use one of the many canes she has stored in her garage - all to no avail.

Being Mean to Family - Is This the Privilege of the Elderly?

Just returned from helping my 90 year old mother pay her property and estimated IRS taxes. I dared to mention that her kitchen counters were filled with rotting fruits and vegetables as well as other perishables that needed to be refrigerated.

Her reaction was to begin calling me names and telling me to mind my own business and then accusing me of stealing from her. I've tried to work through social and mental health workers to no avail.

This photograph was the condition of her counters before her last hospital stay, when she was diagnosed as having dementia. With the help of a couple of house cleaners we were able to clean up her condo, but within four months she has returned it to its former state.

I think my mistake was in cleaning her home. If we had left it in the condition we found it, perhaps the social worker would have helped me to move her into an assisted living facility, which she profoundly needs.

Looks like I need some time away from my mother again or perhaps I will move out of state - no joke, I'm seriously considering moving away.

Taxes and Other Important Bills

Two things we argue about the most - her failure to pay important bills and her inability to keep track of medication and medical appointments. My mother always blames the Postal Delivery person or me whenever she loses track of important bills. She doesn't like to think about her bladder cancer or Atrial Fibrillation. Admittedly not things anyone wants to dwell upon, but they won't go away if you ignore them.

Her accountant sends forms for estimated taxes in a timely manner; she fails to pay them anyway as well as her long term health insurance policy and her property taxes. Bills that arrive monthly or anything to do with mail order catalogs or Publishers Clearing House are usually paid promptly.

Sunday Brunch With Family

Brunch with family at the Blue Canyon. Ordered Mimosa drinks for all the adults. My mother mentioned that she couldn't remember the last time she had a Mimosa. She completely forgot we had mimosas on Mother's Day just a few weeks ago.

Every time we take her to the Blue canyon my mother acts as though it has been ages since she's been there. She forgets that often we take her to that specific restaurant four or five times a year. No matter what we do for her, it is never enough. She tells her friends that we leave her alone all the time.

Forgetfulness

My mother received a phone call from her pharmacy regarding a prescription she failed to pick-up. She has no memory of ordering a new prescription. I told her to call the pharmacy tomorrow to find out who had placed the order. She and her housekeeper went shopping today and probably took some medications in for refills, but she can't remember anything beyond an hour or two.

Results of My Mother's Fall at the Senior Center

My mom, Rita Loos

Our choir sang at the funeral for Virginia Reeves. She followed my mother to ER after she fell at the Senior Center and spent four hours with her during all her medical tests. Around 6 pm. that evening Virginia had a major stroke and died two weeks later.

I wonder if the stress attending my mother didn't bring on the stroke. Virginia had a-fib and was having health issues herself.

My mother insisted that they not call me. She is so worried that her falls will indicate her need for assisted living. She tells everyone that we are looking for an assisted living facility for her to move into. 

Whenever my brother and I talk to her about it, she gets furious with us and says that she wants to die in her own home and doesn't want to talk about it. She basically tells people what she believes they want to hear. 

Another Busy Week

Another busy week ahead. My mom has four medical appointments scheduled - dentist on Monday, urologist & post-op exam on Tuesday, cardiologist on Wednesday, and the Coumadin clinic before week's end.

Have to get her tax info together this week, before I start on ours. Never ending drama. She's delaying any talk or visits to assisted living facilities.

March Madness

Thought I would created a blog so friends and family could keep up with my new "volunteer" job of taking care of my 90 year old mother. Her current health issues include: atrial fibrillation, bladder cancer, glaucoma, occasional delirium, dementia, and incontinence, just to mention a few. She still lives alone in her condo, with almost daily visits by me and other aids, but has begun to fail to grasp the seriousness of her current state and we are looking into assisted living facilities.

Mom forgot to pay her long term health care premium with John Hancock. It lapsed two months ago and I am trying to get her reinstated. Insurance firm is pulling every trick in the book to block it. I have to prove that she did not do it deliberately.

She doesn't even remember what it is, but she did place original bill and a reminder with all her other "important" papers, such as Publishers Clearinghouse mailings, and every Indian tribe, political party, police organization, race & religious group soliciting donations from senior citizens, not to mention every mail order catalog printed in the US.

Called primary care physician for Coumadin refill for mom. Took three phone calls (Coumadin clinic, Cardiologist, and finally to Primary care physician). Guess I'll get the hang of it - this was my first time. My own experience with prescription drugs has been remarkably limited, just realizing how lucky and healthy I've been all these years!

Last Friday, during her latest bladder surgery (stent implant between one kidney and bladder and removal of additional growths), her bottom teeth implants popped out of her mouth. Evidently the metal implant had worked its way out of her jaw months, if not years ago, and the bridge remained loosely attached to the few remaining teeth in her mouth. Those few teeth had rotted away and snapped off when the medical staff tried to insert a tube down her throat prior surgery. Out popped her bottom bridge.

Called today for a dentist appointment to access the current state of her remaining teeth. Scheduled a 2 pm. appointment for tomorrow.

Thursday, mom's eye appointment with Dr. Mak.

Friday - her Coumadin Clinic appointment.